Monday, April 18, 2016

Life Happens, So Stop It

If you want something badly enough, you can change your course


When I was a kid we got an above-ground pool. We learned that if we got everyone walking in a circle the same way, we could make our own current. After a few rounds the game was just trying to stay on our feet because once the current got started it would sweep us along with it. Every once in a while we dared each other to turn around and try to change the current to flow the other way. Usually we gave up in giggles but once or twice we succeeded.

In spite of what the wonderful wisdom of internet memes will tell you, life isn’t 100% our own design. More often our personal currents are started at birth, and events and others in our life circle have it flowing along in a certain direction. Life can become something that just sort of happens to you, even if you make an occasional attempt to push it in another direction.

It can happen though. If you want something badly enough, you can change the course.

Life used to be something that just happened to me. I had choices that basically consisted of jumping blindly, but it was the same current. Then it was discovered that my son has special needs, and that his natural course was heading towards boulder-filled rapids. My daily motto became “failure is not an option” and I had to learn quickly how to take control of our lives.

No, life isn’t a meme or a pithy blog post, and changing the current isn’t easy. You have to decide something different, then you have to figure out how to do that something different, and then you have to get up and do it every single day. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from the people in your circle who want to keep pulling you in the same old direction. It’s hard. It’s not impossible.

It took years of fight and hard work – and I learned what my grandma meant when she’d say “I’m tired to the bone” – before we got to a place where we could breathe and let my son’s newly-formed current sweep us along. Once I got his course straight, I knew that it was time to come back to college and change my own.

Sometimes you have to dig in and stop letting life happen, and make life happen. It’s hard, but it’s worth the fight. Maybe I can make a meme out of that.

Gaynell Buffinet Payne is a writer, single mother, and student at Volunteer State Community College.

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